Be A Totally Present

Okay, I feel better. Decent and sober. Stable and calm. Although I’ve got fever and gastro infection, overall, I’m fine now. I’m off from my fitness routine just for a while because I need some rest. I don’t want to get overtraining. And I don’t drink milk with lactose for a while and I’ve been carefully watch my meals. I think it’s more important to buy a little bit expensive healthy meal than a cheap unutritious meal. And now I have to stick with my hi-protein milk. My gastro is already broken. I have to respect myself and my youth. Bener-bener harus berhati-hati dengan makanan. Nggak bisa nahan laper lagi. Setiap 1-2 jam sekali harus diisi perutnya. Tapi juga nggak bisa makan terlalu banyak. Porsi nasi Padang udah nggak bisa. Jadi dalam sehari harus 6-8 kali makan tapi porsinya sedikit-sedikit. Sambal/pedes, santan, mi, minuman es, goreng-gorengan harus dihindari. Kopi udah nggak bisa minum lagi. Harus banyak mengonsumsi sayuran bening, makanan berkuah panas, dan air hangat. But the most difficult thing is to avoid stress. I admit I was stress because of my family problem. Meski sekarang sudah mulai terlihat jalan keluarnya, aku hanya ingin masalah ini berakhir. Itu saja permintaanku saat ini. Okay, mungkin juga karena aku sempet donor darah dan ditambah aku kelelahan, kondisi badanku jadi nge-drop. Sekarang juga udah nggak maksain diri untuk harus mandi setiap pulang kerja, hahah. Kipas angin juga mulai dimatikan. Dan bekerja untuk hidup, bukan hidup untuk bekerja!

So, I’m trying to be a totally present, although I’m actually afraid about my future. Beberapa temen bilang bahwa mentalku kuat. Sesungguhnya aku orang yang selalu galau. Selalu mencoba untuk memusnahkan kemarahan, tapi seringkali tidak bisa. I’m worry about what I would have become in the future. I’m worry if I would have a life like my older sister. I’m worry if I wouldn’t meet someone I love. I’m worry if I have to settle with someone I don’t love. And I’m also worry if someone I love would betray me. Heheh. Yeah, I know, pikiran memang mampu menyebabkan sesuatu yang fatal. So, I’m trying to think positive. Anyway, sometimes it’s just in your mind. That’s all. Period.

But, I was just thinking… Sebenernya tujuan menikah itu untuk apa sih? Tujuan dalam hidup sebagai manusia secara filosofis maksudku, aku ingin membicarakan topik ini di luar masalah agama dan kepercayaan. It’s a difficult thing for me mengingat bahwa aku memang orang yang skeptic. All I know is people may change, including our feelings. So I’m not sure that love is static. Love is dynamic. Dan aku mengalaminya sendiri ketika aku bisa suka dengan seseorang tapi di kemudian hari aku merasa bosan dan jenuh dengan orang itu. Kemudian di hari yang lain lagi aku bisa tertarik lagi dengan orang yang berbeda. Well, sebenernya karena aku tidak bisa melupakan seseorang di masa lalu. Jadinya setiap aku bertemu dengan orang baru aku selalu membandingkan orang yang baru ini dengan someone in the past ini. Dan hasilnya, selalu merasa bahwa someone in the past ini memang sulit untuk tergantikan. Mungkin mirip seperti kisah lagunya Adele – Someone Like You. And, yeah… This someone in my past is already settle and married right now. Hahah. Orangtua zaman dulu dan orang-orang yang konservatif mungkin akan menuntut kita untuk memiliki kehidupan yang sempurna. Menikah di usia muda, punya anak, menjadi wanita sempurna yang harus manut dengan suami. Well, inginnya mungkin kalo boleh memilih kita dapet calon suami tampan dan kaya, hidup datar-datar aja tanpa masalah dan berlimpah harta, hidup bahagia.  Tapi justru hidup seperti itu malah jadi nggak ada tantangannya. Karena pada prinsipnya kita harus fight untuk hidup. So, back again, tujuan menikah, jika dibilang karena love, I’m not so sure. Dibilang untuk memiliki keturunan atau untuk ada yang mengurus atau untuk jadi kaya, I hate to hear that, really. Like they said, “Fallin in love is easy, but it’s our responsibility to keep stay and survive with the love”. So, let’s just make it simple. We need witness in our lives. That’s all. We need witness to bury our dead. Life without friends is like a dead without witness. You need someone who witness your life, when you’re still strong and healthy, and then you’re getting old and weak, your hair become white, and your skin is not young and fair anymore. So, that’s it. That’s the reason. Marriage is to having witness in your life.

And why are there many spams in my blog? It’s so ridiculous and everytime I log into this blog and entering my dashboard I have to deleting spams first. It’s so annoying. Well, btw, I need to read some books…! English books, I think. Immediately! Because I forgot some of my English… And most of my German. Hahah, this is not good, really. Or, perhaps I need to watch some DVD’s, of course with English subtitles, one of my guilty pleasure. And perhaps, I need to wear glasses to make people sure that I’m actually an avid reader. Hahah, no, really, I often get my eyes are so tired after watch my monitor all day.

Btw, Lady Gaga is a truly artist! I’m really into her new songs: The Edge of Glory and Born This Way. She has amazing musical skills and voice, really, although, of course I’m not really interesting to watch her videos and hear many news about her crazy lifestyle. But, honestly, she is fearless and I often salute with this type of lady. This lady is awesome!

And there’s K-Pop girlband that has similar genre of music with Lady Gaga’s. 2NE1. I like their songs and videos: I Am The Best, Ugly, and Can’t Nobody. I think they are very inspiring and really, fearless women with strong characters! And they sing in English very well, hahah…

But of course, still, the first K-Pop girlband I like is F(X). Heheh…

OK. Come on, keep organize our lives! Peace for the world.

References:

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~ by Rizki on February 10, 2012.

2 Responses to “Be A Totally Present”

  1. lagunya lady gaga yang born this way kan denger2 mirip dengan salah satu lagu dari girlband korea…SNSD

  2. oh iya mau nambahin juga, donor darah emang harusnya saat kondisi badan sehat walafiat, dalam arti jangan begadang,jangan minum kopi, harus sarapan dulu, dan jangan olahraga berat di hari yang sama…itu kmu lemes karena pertamanya fitness dulu kan? harusnya kalo emang niat mau donor, fitnessnya nanti aja dulu..aku udah 2 x donor ga pernah ngerasa lemes soalnya emng sengaja sebelum donor dipastikan kondisi badan bener2 fit dan ga kurang tidur ataupun kecapean..

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