I Feel Like My Life Is Almost Over


I often feel like I’m lost in translation. In both my home town and my living town.

I often feel like I don’t belong anywhere.

People often misunderstood and misjudged me. Even my close person or significant others.

People around me often said that I’m thin. And I become thiner now. But I should say that I’m proud of it because I actually eat healthy foods and do workouts and I have flat stomach and I don’t drink alcohol or smoke so I can throw away my worriness of getting heart-attack or high cholesterol at my young age.

I considered my self as both simple and complicated. And I’ve just found out that breaking the rules and become rebel are sometimes fun.

I often think to delete some memories as easy as you push ‘Delete’ button on your computer keyboard. Some painful memories, or some old sweet memories that you feel pain when you try to remember them now. And then you can moving on without any worries because they couldn’t bother you anymore.

I will turn twenty five this year. 25. And I haven’t publish my own novel yet. I don’t feel successful yet. I can not make my hobbies into additional incomes yet. Many goals or dreams that I haven’t reach yet. Some of them have to be buried deep in the ground.

I need to work five times harder than any usual young ladies do to increase and save my financials.

I think I don’t have time to have fun or do girly things or hang out with my friends. Only work and do workouts that exist in my dictionary. My life is hard and I have to be disclipined and hardworker.

Perhaps I’m too hard for myself. But I need to do something productive and achieve something before my body is getting decay and I become an old lady in a blink of an eye.

I’m a freak.

I’ve been stressed out for many reasons.

I don’t have Facebook and Deviantart account. I think I should sign up for Facebook, shouldn’t I?

I hate wars. Can Israel stop the military agression into Palestine? Like… forever?

Why almost of 70 percents of Literacy Blindness are women in development countries?

I wish I were a boy.

I wish hi-heels never exist in this world. Only sneakers exist.

I hate for being smart but poor.

I feel like my life is almost over.

I’m afraid of death. Because it’s so beautiful. But I don’t wanna live forever. It’s a cliché.

I’m scared to love. I’m scared to give myself to somebody and to be harmed. I’m scared I would make a wrong decision when I love someone that I’d realize in my next years.

I just wanted to write something… so let’s stop whining and all of these nonsenses.

I think I need a motivation training. Right now.

Peace for the world.


~ by Rizki on February 10, 2009.

2 Responses to “I Feel Like My Life Is Almost Over”

  1. Don’t think that way….okay

  2. Life is not so bad there is always some one worse off than you, I fel that way my self (exept for wanting 2 b a boy im male and always have been) pride, self worth, belonging and security I took up martial arts (Ju-jitsu and Judo) I gained pride, self worth, belonging and security within my self try it it may work for you if not you will gain somthing good only good things come from martial arts freinds/serigate family if you get a good club. good luck

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